


Panic

by astudyinfic



Series: Blood is Thicker Than Water [8]
Category: SPECTRE (2015), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Inner Dialogue, M/M, New Parents, Parent!fic, and James is freaking out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt: James freaking out for thinking he'll be a bad parent when he holds the twins for the first time — sent by anonymous</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write what was going through James’ mind when he held the twins. So basically, inner monologue fic. Hope I did it justice because this is certainly different than what I normally write. -J

I can’t do this.  
Look at them. So small, so innocent.   
Q tells me that I break everything I touch and now I’m touching something I can’t afford to break, that I can’t live without.  
Their eyes, just like their father. Both of them, like smaller versions of him.   
I was so unsure when we made this decision and now, I wonder if my fears were justified.   
I am made for taking lives, not raising them. And now I have no choice, these are mine, these two innocent children who have placed their lives in my hand, unknowingly having a killer for a father.   
What if I leave them? What happens when I don’t make it home? I don’t want my sons raised without me, but that is the nature of my life.   
Look him, look at this perfect baby. My Charley. The eldest son but never the only. He will always have his brother, sweet Harry, right next to him. These two will have each other, even when there is no one else. For that I am thankful, to know my boys will never be alone.  
And even then, they wouldn’t be alone, would they. There is always Q, the proudest Papa I’ve ever seen. My love. My husband. The one who guides me through all the troubles on missions and is looking at me know as if he couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful. Doesn’t he understand my fear? Doesn’t he know what a terrible father I will be?  
But I will do everything I can to protect them. I will keep these two safe with everything that I have. They will be happy, they will be loved, and I can only hope that one day they will be thankful they had a father who loved them. Because I do love them. I love these two little boys more than I ever thought I could. And it is obvious Q feels the same.  
Q. Charley. Harry.  
My husband and my sons.  
Maybe I can do this. I suppose I will find out.


End file.
